This is NOT my Eggplant Parmesan Recipe

If you know me, in real life, and IF you've ever eaten my food, and IF you've ever asked me what my really, truly best dish is that I make. I will tell you that it is my Eggplant Parmesan. I will tell you that this Eggplant Parmesan has been painstakingly molded into the BEST Eggplant Parmesan anyone has ever made and it only took me 6  years. It started with a day of Food Network watching back in college back when the Food Network was all cooking shows (do you remember that?) I was watching somebody, somewhere make Eggplant Parm and I thought to myself, I can do that better, and I did.

Over the years the recipe was perfected, mostly benefiting my beloved roommates on days when I would skip out of class and just cook because I felt like cooking. I break it out only when begged and I have enough time (can't play hookey from work just to cook). It takes at least 2 full days of cooking. I am PROUD of that recipe and there is no way, NO HOW, NOT EVEN A SINGLE CHANCE that I will give it away.

But, beloved reader, I am not cruel and when The Box gave me Eggplant I could think of nothing better to do then make Eggplant Parmesan. And so, today, for the very first time I am writing down an Eggplant Parmesan recipe, and I will tell you that this recipe will produce a decent Eggplant Parmesan. In fact this Eggplant Parmesan will likely be better then the vast majority of Eggplant Parmesans out there. But rest assured, this is NOT my Eggplant Parmesan Recipe.

If you want that you will have to find a way to extract it from my brain after death.


Now because I am an expert at this dish, you will find no funny antics in this blog post. Everything went smoothly thank you very much. Here are your ingredients:

• Eggplant
• Shredded mozzarella cheese
• A jar of your favorite pasta sauce (you can make your own too... I did)
• Bread Crumbs (NOT Panko)
• Eggs
• Flour
• Pepper
• Salt
• oil

First step to any Eggplant Parmesan recipe is to select the Eggplant. I have found that the best Eggplants to use are unusually heavy for their size (this means that there are less seeds in the Eggplant and therefore less airspace) and about twice as long as they are wide. The Eggplants from The Box were heavy for their size but alas were very long and skinny. No matter, I made do.

The second step is to peel the Eggplant. Some people skip this step, and it is a heinous mistake. if you don't peel the Eggplant the end product essentially ends up with ribbons of skin in your dish that have a Cassette Tape ribbon-like effect. Ick. So take the time to peel your Eggplant and thank me later.

Then, using a mandolin if you are fancy like me, or a knife if you are not that fancy, cut the Eggplant into medallions about 1/8 of an inch thick.

Next, spread the Eggplant out on a layer of paper towels and apply a generous amount of salt to each slice on both sides.

What this does is it pulls the moisture from the Eggplant pieces making them more meaty. If you've ever had soggy Eggplant Parmesan, this step prevents that.

Put another layer of  paper towels on top of the Eggplant pieces and weigh it down for about 15-20 minutes.

Rinse the Eggplant pieces off well to get the excess salt off of them. and allow them to dry a little while preparing the  three step dredging system.

The three steps are Flour, Egg-wash, and Bread Crumbs. The amounts will vary depending on how many Eggplant pieces you have.  Put about 1/3 of a cup of flour into a plastic zip-lock bag along with a Tablespoon of pepper. In a pie tin beat together three eggs and about 1/4 cup of water. In the second pie tin put bread crumbs. For a quick and tasty fix use the seasoned kind. Just don't use panko bread crumbs; I tried that once and the result was inedible.

If you've never breaded anything before in your culinary life please repeat after me..... Flour, Shake, Egg, Breadcrumbs. That's the order this goes in. You throw your eggplant pieces into the flour, toss them around and shake off the extra, then dip them in the Egg (give them a few seconds for the flour to soak up the egg) and then cover in bread crumbs. Set aside and repeat until all your pieces are covered. Easy Peasy.

Once that is done, put about a 1/4 cup of oil in the bottom of a high sided heavy pan (I use my cast iron) and heat until it starts to shimmer or until a test piece of eggs and breadcrumbs begins to fry. Then fry your Eggplant pieces on both sides until they are GBD (golden brown and delicious) The amount of time will depend on how big your pieces are, and how hot the pan is.

Final step before baking is to layer the dish. Start with a baking pan of appropriate size. and put a thin layer of tomato sauce on the bottom of the pan. Then put in a layer of the fried Eggplant, followed by tomato sauce, followed by Eggplant, and so on until you run out of Eggplant.

Then add one more layer of sauce and a final layer of Mozzarella Cheese and a little bit of grated Parmesan.

Bake at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes or until the cheese has browned.

The Final Result:

THE VERDICT:

The Husband, my Father and my Grandfather all loved and eagerly consumed the dish. I received many compliments and of course was pleased with it myself. However, as I said before this recipe is not THE recipe. Not even close, and if you try to get it from me well...

You'll never take me alive.